One Night Only....And That Was Too Much

August 2026

 

According to One Night Only....

 

All the couples in New York City are biracial...

There is no garbage in the streets...

A girl can walk down a dark alleyway in an outfit that covers very little...

At 2 am...

And doesn’t have to worry...

 

And when she leaves her purse on a table...

The only thing that is taken is a condom...

 

But I guess that makes sense...

 

Because in this New York City...

 

Condoms cost $200...

 

And a babysitting gig can pull in $5k...

 

There are pharma ads everywhere...

 

And everyone has a tattoo that turns green when they are allowed to have premarital sex...

 

Which is only one night a year...

 

Because that is the very first thing evil fascists would do if they got in power...

 

And that night appears to be the occasion for a product placement bonanza...

 

So I wasn’t sure whether this was intended as ironic...

 

Or just how they financed this film...

 

So One Night Only is basically...

 

Late Stage Capitalism Meets a Romcom Meets The Handmaid’s Tale....

 

And a wasted 2 hours...

 

Because the only thing honest about this film...

 

Is Monica Barbaro’s catalogue of Callum Turner’s less attractive physical features...

 

And dude...

 

You are only 36...

 

And knew you were going to spend most of this movie with your shirt off...

 

So you could have spent some time in the gym...

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