Verity Is a Primer On What Not To Do When Making a Thriller

October 2026

 

Let’s see...

 

A woman fakes she’s catatonic...

For years...

A husband has sex with someone... seconds after meeting her...

Both women like to bite the wooden headboard during their orgasms...

Leaving teeth marks...

 

A woman writes an “autobiography” in which she confesses to murder...

And then hides a paper with the “truth” under the floorboards...

 

Another woman reads the “autobiography”...

Which she finds on a thumb drive...

 

In a pack of cigarettes...

 

No... I’m really not making this up...

 

And is so appalled by what the woman who wrote it has done...

That because she has such a strong moral compass...

She screams “Murder her...murder her!”

To the woman’s husband...

 

Colleen Hoover really wrote this crap?

 

Maybe the book was better?

 

Now Hoover has a fan base... which must explain how this disaster of a movie..

Debuted at number one this week...

 

Or perhaps it was because the competition was Digger and The Social Reckoning...

 

Well.... It wasn’t because Verity is a well-made thriller..

About women who write...

Surprise...

Murder mysteries...

 

Besides the fact that none of it....

Is in any way believable...

Everything important happens at such a fast clip...

There is none of that slow reveal a psychological thriller needs...

 

But I guess that is ok... because there is no character development to speak of...

The screenplay reads like it was workshopped on a girl’s trip...

 

And I’ve been more on the edge of my seat watching a golf match...

 

But I do have some additional thoughts...

 

Dakota Johnson should only play villains...

Her icy detached demeanor makes her perfect for those roles...

Just ask anyone who has tried to interview her...

 

Josh Hartnett is either aging very well...

Or his abs were enhanced by AI for this film...

 

And Anne Hathaway should never wear a bob...

She looked like a middle-aged Ann Landers in this movie...

 

And maybe... just maybe...

 

If you want to make a decent thriller...

Hire the writers who are making the fourth season of The Diplomat...

An absolute binge-worthy series...

With pacing and unexpected reveals that do keep you on the edge of your seat......

 

So it can be done...

 

But obviously, not by Michael Showalter...

 

Which is why I am not going to apologize for these spoilers...

 

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